Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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