Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
