How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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