I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
