I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize