I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
