that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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