DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
