so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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