i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
