A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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