Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
