...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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