Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
