Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
