You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
