Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
