I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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