Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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