I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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