i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
