Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize