fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
