i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize