i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i have two assholes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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