bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize