I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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