if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Randomize
