I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
