Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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