You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
