Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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