You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
