I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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