please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You are a genius and a whore.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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