And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
