Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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