if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
