That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
