You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
