I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
