Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
