you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
