umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
