So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
