they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
