Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
