dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
