He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
