Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
