I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize