I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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