I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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