Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
