he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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