I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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