I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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