I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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