Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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