Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
