i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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