I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't put those talents on a resume
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
