I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
