Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
